Don't worry, you were always this stupid.

I have mixed feelings about the pep talks I give myself. When I feel distracted, overwhelmed, or exhausted; I begin to feel as though I have "lost it". That my youthful energy is fading away and being replaced by surly, foggy ineptitude.

Oddly enough, it helps to remind myself how troubled and flawed I have been my whole life. That I used to frustrate and baffle my elementary school teachers, or how I would spin off into odd tangents even while I considered myself happy and successful. I think about how much success I have had and what I have managed to achieve, and I'm reminded of how clueless and flakey I've been all along. Somehow, it's better to feel that I've always been a loser than to think I'm becoming one now.

Most anyone who knows me would admit that my personality has changed in the past year or so. Lots of loss, lots of disappointment, lots of failures, but I'm still moving ahead. I hang on tightly to my dreams and goals - jaw set, never looking back. But where there was once hope there's now resentment. Even so, I can look back at some pretty dark times in my past and remember that I've dug myself out of holes before. History indicates that I can do it again.

So this is what I shall tell myself when I get old and fear senility. That I was probaby equally senile in my late 20's, but I too busy wondering if I lost my youthful vigor to notice!